Oh, The Places You'll Go!

   I have to visit Michigan now.
   Sure, it has always been on my 'See Every Place On Earth List.' But it never was anywhere near the top. In fact, it was so far down that I can't recall ever having actually seen it. I imagine that it must have been lurking somewhere in the vicinity of the likes of Las Vegas or Albany. In any event, it was down there.
   So how did it get to the top of the list, you ask?
   Mitt Romney.
   Apparently, according to the Mittster, the trees are the" right height" there. The trees.
   Imagine that. Really. Try to imagine that.
   Look people- I was a landscaper; I was a Boy Scout; I like to hike and camp- but it never even occurred to me that all the trees I have seen could, quite possibly, be the wrong height. As a liberal, I admit, I may have blinders on. We all have our prejudices. But I was always comfortable with the philosophy (possibly attributable to Paul Bunyan,) that a tree's trunk should only be long enough to reach the ground. And have enough height so the dog can lift his leg when you let him out of his air-tight car-top kennel.
   An entire state full of right-sized trees. What could that even be like? I have the impression that it's like some sort of cross between Tolkien's Ents, and Nazi Storm Troopers. I imagine them goose-stepping their merry way down from the hills to intimidate lumberjacks and Santorum-voters, happily crushing Democrats as they go. They would probably raid nurseries and greenhouses, liberating their potted brothers and sisters from lives of garden slavery, before tromping back to their natural homes in triumph.
O brave new world that has such flora in it!

 Thanks for opening our eyes Mitt.
 Now how about trying to win the primary.