Messed Metaphors

The following quotes were actually spoken. Aloud.


Representative Steve King talking about trying to get the Mittster to an event of his:
"He may not be able to come to our event because of scheduling conflicts, but he knows the door is open and we made sure we rang the doorbell."(1)


Sure. They opened their own door. And then they rang their own doorbell. As emphasis, I guess.


This one goes so far beyond 'mixed metaphor' that no English language word exists to describe it:


"Let's make this a time of harvest, and may the fruits of our labors be ladders our children can use to climb the stairs to the stars."(2)
Speaker of the House John Boehner (Really, I'm not shitting you)


OK, right. So they harvest...ladders. Which, I imagine, is some kind of vine, or maybe a root crop. Maybe he thinks it's a kind of tree. (What would one use to climb ladder trees? Piles of tomatoes?)
Perhaps they grow straight up out of the ground like asparagus.
But I digress.
Boehner then seems to want to give these (organically raised?) ladders to children, who will somehow use them to climb stairs. Ladders...kids...stairs. What could possibly go wrong? My nieces and nephews can't carry glasses of juice (definitely organic) up the stairs without spilling them. So, ladders? But, let it go. Once the children have used the ladders, they reach the stairs. To the stars. A perfectly acceptable form of interstellar travel. That is, for those of us raised on fairy tales, instead of science.


Notes


1- Steve King quoted in: Robert Costa Conservatives Shrug off Bush and Romney, Remain Confident in Base-Friendly Hopefuls Washington Post 1/14/15


2- John Boehner quoted in: Dana Milbank Mitch McConnell is off to a Bitter Start Washington Post 1/7/15


Postscript:
I wrestled mightily with the temptation to work a Led Zeppelin reference in to the second quote. This postscript is proof that I was not entirely successful.