As of this writing, there are now seventeen people running for the Republican nomination for president. And, as of this writing, that number is irrelevant. Not because they espouse a political ideology that is obsolete and morally bankrupt- well, not only because of that. The reason they are essentially toast from the get-go is Fox News. Fox is hosting the first debate with only the top tier of the top ten candidates. With their usual integrity, they fudged the math to get John Kasich a seat at the table (more accurately, a stand at the lectern.) Since the debate's in Ohio, who could blame them for getting its sitting governor a shot at it.
Kasich's spot came at the expense of Rick (currently on trial) Perry. Perry is famous not only for his 'oops' moment in the last race, but also for apparently falling in love with a bottle of maple syrup onstage, during a speech. (How's that square with your obsession with man-dog marriage Justice Scalia?) Also left out of the debate is the man who was number two (in both senses) during the last Republican primary, Rick (santorum) Santorum. Several campaigns, including Santorum's may run out of steam before the first race even starts.
The biggest and saddest, most pathetic news is this: Donald Fucking Trump is still the leading contender.
Note: The Washington Post Reported that Bill Clinton spoke to Trump about politics back in May. It seems that Trump reached out to Clinton, and according to a Clinton insider, the campaign was not discussed. That being said, if Bill Clinton did happen to help Trump decide to run, he deserves to go down in history as the greatest political strategist of all time.
Showing posts with label Washington Post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Washington Post. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
Messed Metaphors
The following quotes were actually spoken. Aloud.
Representative Steve King talking about trying to get the Mittster to an event of his:
"He may not be able to come to our event because of scheduling conflicts, but he knows the door is open and we made sure we rang the doorbell."(1)
Sure. They opened their own door. And then they rang their own doorbell. As emphasis, I guess.
This one goes so far beyond 'mixed metaphor' that no English language word exists to describe it:
"Let's make this a time of harvest, and may the fruits of our labors be ladders our children can use to climb the stairs to the stars."(2)
Speaker of the House John Boehner (Really, I'm not shitting you)
OK, right. So they harvest...ladders. Which, I imagine, is some kind of vine, or maybe a root crop. Maybe he thinks it's a kind of tree. (What would one use to climb ladder trees? Piles of tomatoes?)
Perhaps they grow straight up out of the ground like asparagus.
But I digress.
Boehner then seems to want to give these (organically raised?) ladders to children, who will somehow use them to climb stairs. Ladders...kids...stairs. What could possibly go wrong? My nieces and nephews can't carry glasses of juice (definitely organic) up the stairs without spilling them. So, ladders? But, let it go. Once the children have used the ladders, they reach the stairs. To the stars. A perfectly acceptable form of interstellar travel. That is, for those of us raised on fairy tales, instead of science.
Notes
1- Steve King quoted in: Robert Costa Conservatives Shrug off Bush and Romney, Remain Confident in Base-Friendly Hopefuls Washington Post 1/14/15
2- John Boehner quoted in: Dana Milbank Mitch McConnell is off to a Bitter Start Washington Post 1/7/15
Postscript:
I wrestled mightily with the temptation to work a Led Zeppelin reference in to the second quote. This postscript is proof that I was not entirely successful.
Representative Steve King talking about trying to get the Mittster to an event of his:
"He may not be able to come to our event because of scheduling conflicts, but he knows the door is open and we made sure we rang the doorbell."(1)
Sure. They opened their own door. And then they rang their own doorbell. As emphasis, I guess.
This one goes so far beyond 'mixed metaphor' that no English language word exists to describe it:
"Let's make this a time of harvest, and may the fruits of our labors be ladders our children can use to climb the stairs to the stars."(2)
Speaker of the House John Boehner (Really, I'm not shitting you)
OK, right. So they harvest...ladders. Which, I imagine, is some kind of vine, or maybe a root crop. Maybe he thinks it's a kind of tree. (What would one use to climb ladder trees? Piles of tomatoes?)
Perhaps they grow straight up out of the ground like asparagus.
But I digress.
Boehner then seems to want to give these (organically raised?) ladders to children, who will somehow use them to climb stairs. Ladders...kids...stairs. What could possibly go wrong? My nieces and nephews can't carry glasses of juice (definitely organic) up the stairs without spilling them. So, ladders? But, let it go. Once the children have used the ladders, they reach the stairs. To the stars. A perfectly acceptable form of interstellar travel. That is, for those of us raised on fairy tales, instead of science.
Notes
1- Steve King quoted in: Robert Costa Conservatives Shrug off Bush and Romney, Remain Confident in Base-Friendly Hopefuls Washington Post 1/14/15
2- John Boehner quoted in: Dana Milbank Mitch McConnell is off to a Bitter Start Washington Post 1/7/15
Postscript:
I wrestled mightily with the temptation to work a Led Zeppelin reference in to the second quote. This postscript is proof that I was not entirely successful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)