Tonight, Ted (The Immigrant) Cruz dropped out of the race, effectively giving Donald Fucking Trump the nomination. John (Low Expectations) Kasich is still doing something, but since nobody knows what the hell it is, let's leave him as alone as his party has done.
Even though he dropped out, what Cruz said can't be called a concession speech, since he not only failed to mention the winning candidate, he failed to even mention his own party. Cruz is looking down his own road-to-power. He was gracious enough to say that Carly (Planned Parenthood is cooking and eating babies) Fiorina was the world's best running mate. And, quite possibly, the shortest-acting running mate on record, at barely eight days. But we'll have to consult with the Guinness people about that record. (Or, at least, consult their wonderfully frothy product.)
As a side note. Donald Fucking Trump mentioned, during his victory speech, that his parents were "looking down" on him. For the record- they're not alone.
For the Democrats, tonight gave Bernie a very nice victory that will help him run all the way to the convention. Also for the record: Neither Democratic candidate is giving me much to work with here, satirically speaking.
