One Little, Two little, Three Little...

The countdown to 2016 has begun.
Mitt is out.
Before he was really even in, now he's out. Of course, if truth be told, he was out even when he was in.
So, from the point of view of a poor writer of satire, he will be missed.
From the point of view of an American citizen who wishes for a good future for his country- not so much.

...Don't Bother, They're Heeeere. (I Hope)

Sarah Palin seems to be thinking about running. She's putting in an appearance at Steve King's Iowa Extremist Summit or whatever it's called.
Palin is there alongside Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Donald Trump.
To the possibility that all these less than qualified individuals may seek the highest office in the land; I say: pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Messed Metaphors

The following quotes were actually spoken. Aloud.


Representative Steve King talking about trying to get the Mittster to an event of his:
"He may not be able to come to our event because of scheduling conflicts, but he knows the door is open and we made sure we rang the doorbell."(1)


Sure. They opened their own door. And then they rang their own doorbell. As emphasis, I guess.


This one goes so far beyond 'mixed metaphor' that no English language word exists to describe it:


"Let's make this a time of harvest, and may the fruits of our labors be ladders our children can use to climb the stairs to the stars."(2)
Speaker of the House John Boehner (Really, I'm not shitting you)


OK, right. So they harvest...ladders. Which, I imagine, is some kind of vine, or maybe a root crop. Maybe he thinks it's a kind of tree. (What would one use to climb ladder trees? Piles of tomatoes?)
Perhaps they grow straight up out of the ground like asparagus.
But I digress.
Boehner then seems to want to give these (organically raised?) ladders to children, who will somehow use them to climb stairs. Ladders...kids...stairs. What could possibly go wrong? My nieces and nephews can't carry glasses of juice (definitely organic) up the stairs without spilling them. So, ladders? But, let it go. Once the children have used the ladders, they reach the stairs. To the stars. A perfectly acceptable form of interstellar travel. That is, for those of us raised on fairy tales, instead of science.


Notes


1- Steve King quoted in: Robert Costa Conservatives Shrug off Bush and Romney, Remain Confident in Base-Friendly Hopefuls Washington Post 1/14/15


2- John Boehner quoted in: Dana Milbank Mitch McConnell is off to a Bitter Start Washington Post 1/7/15


Postscript:
I wrestled mightily with the temptation to work a Led Zeppelin reference in to the second quote. This postscript is proof that I was not entirely successful.

Art of the Possible

Well, congress is back in session. Mitch McConnell has finally come up with a winning strategy for the Reepubs: Deny Obama a third term.


I think he's got a shot.

I Can See Clearly Now

In an interview with MSNBC's Kasie Hunt today, Governor Rick Perry of Texas said that "Presidential campaigns are not I.Q. tests."

Based on the evidence, that is a belief common to Republican Presidential contenders.

And their last President.

I have immense respect for Ms. Hunt. I would not have been able to keep a straight face.

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might

Questions for Dick Cheney:

      Did you ever drink Human blood?

      Have you ever consumed Human flesh?

      Which do you prefer?
    
    

Pity the Fool

 With all the family gatherings that seem to be mandatory at this time of the year, many of us will find occasion to envy the orphan.
 Upon reflection, when calm and rational thought is, once again, possible, we find instead that we must indeed pity him. For, though he is spared the gift lists and family obligations, he must face the end of the old year and the beginning of the new without any assistance in the discovery and cataloguing of all of his failures and shortcomings.
 Can any one of us, surfeited with kin, imagine the utter desolation and loneliness of seeing in the new year without such a catalogue?
 To the orphan, the coming year could possibly be a tabula rasa on which he must tread without guidance or direction. He might, indeed, find that he is heading in directions, and down roads he never knew existed. He may discover, at the end of that year, that he has travelled to places unimaginable the year before, and re-made his life totally anew.
 As I said, we must pity the orphan.