Mice are Smarter

"Steve, tell about the books."
"Everyone will write books about how great your administration was."
"And they'll write lots of books because we still got lots more years to go. Right, Steve?"
"That's right, Donny. We still have years to go."
"Tell again how many years, Steve."
"There's about three and a half years to the next election, and if we win that..."
"We will- we will-we will-we will! Won't we! Cause we're the best! Right?"
"Calm down, Donny, or I'll call in the Secret Service."
"No, please. I promise I'll be good. Just tell about the media. Pleeease, Steve."
"OK, the media are evil."
"I know- because they lie all the time and they're so unfair and they hate me. Right, Steve?"
"That's right, they hate you."
"And I'm gonna put it all on twitter. And everyone will know they're so nasty. Right, Steve?"
"Now what did we say about twitter, Donny?"
"Uh. That I'm not supposed to go on it so much?"
"That's right, Donny. You're not supposed to go on twitter so much. It causes a lot of trouble."
"Oh I know. But sometimes, sometimes I forget. There's so much stuff I have to remember. Remember how I almost forgot to salute the flag? That nice lady helped me."
"I remember."
"Is that the lady I'm allowed to grab by the pussy, Steve?"
"We'll talk about that in the morning. Good night, Donny."

Coming Soon, I Bet

    Trumpty Dumpty wanted a wall

    Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall

    And all of Vlad's horses

    And all of Vlad's men

    Couldn't put Trumpty together again

Christopher Mahon

      

Warm Fuzzies

  Today, Ted (The Immigrant) Cruz chose Carly (Planned Parenthood is cooking and eating babies) Fiorina, to be his running mate. Cruz is proving that his admiration and imitation of the Gipper knows no bounds. Ronald Reagan was the last candidate to pick a potential V.P. before the election, and Cruz is channeling that energy. Of course, Reagan made that particular move in 1976, when he lost the nomination to sitting president, Gerald Ford. (Who then lost to Jimmy Carter.)
  Which brings us back to Carly.
  Fiorina has run for elected office exactly twice. And lost exactly two times. This is precisely the kind of experience that Cruz is going to need. And let's not forget: between them they've won an entire election; not to even mention the amazing quantity of warmth and compassion these incredible human beings generate.
  Are you feeling the love?

Pumping Irony (Presidential Edition)

  This is, of course, a leap year; which brings us not only an extra day in the cheerful month of February; but also the Olympics, the presidential campaign and, for keen observers, a Mitt Romney sighting. Romney, who likes to think of himself as a statesman, has no desire to do the actual work of statesmanship, which would keep him much too busy during the off-years. Instead, he trots himself out during the presidential race, to inject his views on how badly everyone else is doing things.       
  Today, he went after Donald Fucking Trump.
  Romney, correctly, noted that Trump was the son of a rich man, had things to hide in his tax returns, and that Trump's bankruptcies hurt many small businesses in this country. Romney also saw fit to mention that Trump was a liar and unfit for the office of President of the United States.
  To sum up: Son of a rich man
                     Problems with tax disclosure
                     Questionable business dealings
                     Liar
                     Unfit to be president
  I think that fits. Oh yeah, it applies to Trump as well.