Thursday, September 3, 2015

Everything's Trumpy-Dory

  Donald Fucking Trump signed the Republican oath of fealty today.
  Republicans everywhere can now breathe a sigh of relief that Trump won't be running against them.
  He'll be running with them.
  Isn't that wonderful?

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Dead Party Walking

  The RNC, in their infinite wisdom and incredible desperation, have put out a loyalty oath, to be signed by the plague of candidates running for president. Though the entire swarm is being 'asked' to sign, everybody knows that the real target is Donald Fucking Trump, who for some goddam reason leads the rest of the gaggle in all the polls, yet still refuses to rule out a third party run.
  Loyalty oaths.
  The weakness and fear the Republican party is projecting now is palpable.
  I think the only thing that could possibly top the pathetic, despondent hopelessness we are seeing, would be to- I don't know- commission an autopsy.
  But that would be ridiculous.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

A Diminished Thing

  The two debates tonight showed that the Republican Party is a pathetic mess and that Fox News is doing everything they can to manipulate the outcome.
  The first debate was held in an empty arena. Fox repeatedly showed it to emphasize the unimportance of the seven candidates. They asked questions that seemed to demean and embarrass the seven and, for some reason, addressed Carly Fiorina, the only woman, by her first name.
  In the second debate, they put Trump on the offensive immediately and deliberately pitted candidates against each other.
  The Republican National Committee is either complicit in this design or felt unable to influence Fox to be- how shall I put this- fair and balanced.
  All the Republicans running for president think  that Obama is deliberately destroying our country. I've got another theory.
  What if an actual outsider decided to come to this country and act as a mole to destroy us from within? What if his devious mind has concocted a perfectly cunning plan to take us down by catering to and exacerbating the fear and ignorance of a large segment of our society? And what if that mole actually finds a way to become the puppet master, not only of that segment, but an entire political party?
  In the words of Christopher Moore, that would be some really heinous fuckery.
  Where was Rupert Murdoch born?

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Fifteen Little.... Oh Fuck It!

  As of this writing, there are now seventeen people running for the Republican nomination for president. And, as of this writing, that number is irrelevant. Not because they espouse a political ideology that is obsolete and morally bankrupt- well, not only because of that. The reason they are essentially toast from the get-go is Fox News. Fox is hosting the first debate with only the top tier of the top ten candidates. With their usual integrity, they fudged the math to get John Kasich a seat at the table (more accurately, a stand at the lectern.) Since the debate's in Ohio, who could blame them for getting its sitting governor a shot at it.
  Kasich's spot came at the expense of Rick (currently on trial) Perry. Perry is famous not only for his 'oops' moment in the last race, but also for apparently falling in love with a bottle of maple syrup onstage, during a speech. (How's that square with your obsession with man-dog marriage Justice Scalia?) Also left out of the debate is the man who was number two (in both senses) during the last Republican primary, Rick (santorum) Santorum. Several campaigns, including Santorum's may run out of steam before the first race even starts.
  The biggest and saddest, most pathetic news is this: Donald Fucking Trump is still the leading contender.
 
Note: The Washington Post Reported that Bill Clinton spoke to Trump about politics back in May. It seems that Trump reached out to Clinton, and according to a Clinton insider, the campaign was not discussed. That being said, if Bill Clinton did happen to help Trump decide to run, he deserves to go down in history as the greatest political strategist of all time.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Who'd a Thunk It?

  Donald Trump is leading the Republican race to the White House. Despite everything he's said, Donald Fucking Trump is leading the race.
  Wow.
  Even after insulting Senator John McCain, and all our POW's, by saying: "He's not a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured." Trump, who "reportedly received five deferments from military service," is unrepentant. But the Republican National Committee said: "There is no place in our party or our country for comments that disparage those who have served honorably." That should not only ease the mind of John McCain, but also John Kerry. The Secretary is probably grateful for what is certainly a belated apology for the swift-boating inflicted on him during his presidential campaign.

Note: All quotes are taken from the New York Post article, "He's Done-Ald!" by Aaron Short 7/19/15. I am not a regular Post reader. I bought the issue because the headline was: "Trump is toast after insult: 'McCain not a war hero.' DON VOYAGE!" Gotta love 'em.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Thirteen Little, Fourteen Little, Fifteen Little...

  This just in: Scott (investigations all around me) Walker has entered the race to the White House.
  We've gone so quickly to fifteen, that I missed the chance to use a baker's dozen joke. I have no fear, however. There are plenty of jokes in the pipeline. (And fifteen already oozed out of it.)

Monday, July 13, 2015

Quote of the Post

"Write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers within three years the candidate may look upon his circumstances with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for."

Mark Twain. Quoted in Safire and Safir, Good Advice on Writing. No further attribution to Twain is given, which annoys me. Also annoying: I make a living sawing wood.