Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Am Become Newt, The Destroyer Of Worlds

A few weeks ago, The National Review weighed in on Newt Gingrich's conservative bona-fides.

They called on him to drop out of the race.

Anyone who knew Gingrich knew that he would never quit, and yesterday, Super Tuesday, he chalked up his second victory. It was only Georgia though. We all know they would happily send anyone to the White House to retaliate for General Sherman's march across the state in "Gone With The Wind." But I think Newt is more devious...I mean... more complicated than that. First off, he is a religious man, and has learned great lessons from the Bible. For instance: the time that Solomon was going to chop the baby in half in order to get the two women to shut up. Newt even converted to Catholicism so he could share heaven with Rick Santorum. (There are also rumors of a colonization scheme, to be announced during President Gingrich's third term, but I digress.)

The truth is that Newt won't quit, because he is the only one who knows that he is the only one who can save the country. Those Republicans who think that Gingrich's attacks on his fellow candidates are inadvertently helping the Democrats, underestimate him. He knows he's helping them.  If he can't be the next Republican president, then no one will be. This is is the guy, after all, who, when he didn't win Florida, complained to his mommy- I mean the courts- that the state wasn't playing fair. This is the guy who shut down the government because he couldn't get his way. And, this is the guy who wanted everyone to run positive campaigns for the sake of the country, and -hey- no need to look at my record- nothing to see here- just move along,,,,

Newt Gingrich is a man with ATTITUDE.

And all of us can all understand that attitude.

 At least we could in kindergarten.

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