Quote Of The Post

"It is no limitation upon property rights or freedom of contract to require that when men receive from government the privilege of doing business under corporate form... they shall do so upon absolutely truthful representations.... Great corporations exist only because they are created and safeguarded by our institutions; and it is therefore our right and duty to see that they work in harmony with these institutions."

Theodore Roosevelt from his first Message to Congress, December 3, 1901. Quoted in Theodore Rex Edmund Morris p73

Teddy fired the first gun in the fight against corporate power in government and the economy. He put teeth into the Sherman Anti Trust Act of 1890, and developed the principles upon which the battles would be fought.

The 'institutions' to which he referred are the government, as well as the society and civilization at large. These are also the roads and bridges and schools and hospitals that President Obama rightly reminds businessmen they didn't build.

Mutually Assured Economics

Democrats seem to think that because Mitt Romney can't stand up to the extremists and fools among his supporters, he won't be able to stand up to other nations when he becomes president. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Romney can't stand up to the wing-nuts because he needs them- not because he is weak.

As for foreign nations like China, Mitt has a cunning plan. If those inscrutable orientals act up on him, Mitt Romney will withdraw all his foreign investments and outsourced jobs, destroying their economies the same way he'll be destroying ours.

Quote(s) Of The Post

"We attacked a foreign people and treated them like rebels. As you know, it's all right to treat barbarians barbarically. It's the desire to be barbaric that makes governments call their enemies barbarians."
Bertold Brecht from the Good Reads. com website. No attribution of the source material was given. The two following quotes from the same site prove why this annoys me so much.

"Art is not a mirror. Art is a hammer."
Brecht

"Art is not a mirror held up to life, but a hammer with which to shape it."
Brecht again. Both from Good Reads. com

I think you can see my point. Both quotes are similar, but the latter has more muscle. Did he say them both, or did someone paraphrase the first one? I sure as hell don't know, but now I really want to read him.

The next quote came from one site, but two other sites also quoted it. All three were slightly different, which is understandable in translated work. I'd still like to know where it came from. Perhaps my loyal readers, if I have any, can help out.

"The worst illiterate is the political illiterate. He hears nothing, sees nothing, takes no part in political life. He doesn't seem to know that the cost of living, the price of beans, of flour, of rent, of medicines, all depend on political decisions. He even prides himself on his political ignorance, sticks out his chest and says he hates politics. He doesn't know, the imbecile, that from his political non-participation comes the prostitute, the abandoned child, the robber and, worst of all, corrupt officials, the lackeys of exploitative multinational corporations."
Bertold Brecht: From the MoveOn.org website. I encourage you to read the other versions of this quote. I would love to know if it is from a play, book, letter or something.

I promise you that most of the posted quotations are from my reading. I also promise to never use the word 'quote' so many times in one post.

Quote Of The Post

"....But I don't want to see the Republican Party ride to political victory on the four horsemen of calumny- fear, ignorance, bigotry and smear."

Sen. Margaret Chase Smith Declaration of Conscience 6/1/50, quoted in: "National Suicide" History Matters
historymatters.gmu.edu/d/6459/

A Rose By Any Other Name...

A Political Q&A

Q:The biggest problem facing the Republicans in November?

A:Their candidates.

Q:Their second biggest?

A:They don't even know who they're running against.

Q:Can you explain?

A:Yes.

Mitt Romney and other conservatives seem to think that they are being opposed by the Democrat Party. They even seem to think that the president belongs to this party.

As far as I am able to determine- there's no such thing as the Democrat Party. I don't know where they got it from, but it doesn't exist.

Can it be a simple case of failing to understand that Democrats belong to the Democratic Party? It's easy to imagine that some top Republicans lack the intellect to make the distinction (I'm talking to you Sarah) But Mitt has two degrees from Harvard. He should know better.

It can't be intentional, can it?

It can't be because the word itself bothers them, can it?

Democratic.

Who could be afraid of that?

Quote Of The Post

"The Republican Party is becoming less and less like a traditional political party in a representative democracy, and becoming more like an apocalyptic cult, or one of the intensely ideological authoritative parties of 20th century Europe."

Mike Lofgren, former Republican congressional staffer, quoted in Washington Post, online edition 4/27/12

Newt, We Heartily Knew Ya

Today, Newt Gingrich officially bowed out of the presidential race.

To think that this man is no longer in the running sends chills up my spine. Now I'm going to have to work that much harder to fill up this space- ol' Newt practically wrote these things for me.

So, though tomorrow may be the dawn of a new era, satirically speaking, today I got plenty.

How could Republicans reject a candidate who famously said that right-wing social engineering is as bad as left-wing social engineering; and-even more famously- not only retracted the entire statement, but said that anyone who quoted him would be a "liar-liar-pants on fire."

Wow. Imagine a president like that. He could sign a treaty one day, and repudiate it the next, daring you to call him out on it. He could re-write history simply by- re-writing history. That's balls. That's the kind of leader the Republicans are gonna need if they want to drag us back to the middle ages. How else are they going to cope with 150 years of social progress, but by denying it ever occurred? I don't know what they were thinking, and I don't know about the rest of you, but as far as this blogger is concerned, he'll be missed.

Great Minds Think And Think

If there is such a thing as 'the best of all possible worlds,' then the only way to get there must be to try all possible ideas.

If so, Romney's on the right path.

Quote Of The Post

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: Self Reliance

Paradigm Shit

   How many of us could endure the shock of being confronted with the sure and certain knowledge that the safe, solid foundation upon which we've built our lives is nothing but a rickety scaffold, and that our conception of the world is merely a flimsy, paper thin facade before the stark reality that awaits us behind the stage.
   I've been married five times, so I'm used to it. But even I was shaken to the core by revelations about our government which came into my hands a week ago.
   One week! How can it be that only seven days have passed since my life was changed forever.
 
   I was working on my blog at my usual research facility, during happy hour, when I was approached by a stranger. Clutching a sheaf of papers in his hands, he told me that he read my blog, and that he had secret government information that would "blow my mind."
   I have to admit that I was astounded. Because, quite frankly, I didn't think that I had any readers- let alone ones with secret information. He told me that he needed the information he had to be made public. And that he feared for his life if it wasn't.
   I took a closer look at  this mysterious stranger. He was middle aged and the very definition of the word 'nondescript.' He could have been a teacher or a  pharmacist, but he had a sort of skittish intensity that led me to believe either he was being hunted, or was off his medication.
   He handed me the papers to read and we agreed to meet there the following night (at happy hour.) What he said as he left chilled me to my very soul.
   "If you believe nothing else, know this: you're buying."
 
   The papers I'd been given seemed to have government letterhead. Skeptically, I began to read. After a few paragraphs, I was in a cold sweat, and realized that I was holding dynamite. It couldn't possibly be true, but if it was, this guy and I were both in a lot of trouble. For what those papers revealed was a conspiracy so vast, that it encompassed both church and state. Almost every branch and department of government was implicated: the CIA, the FBI, NASA, NOAA, the military, and the American Zoological Society. A conspiracy lasting decades, and dedicated to one thing, and one thing only: getting a camel through the eye of a needle.

   I needed to talk to my new friend, but I had to be sure that he wasn't just a nutbag peddling shit. I have a few contacts in government, but was only able to ascertain from my source that my informant had worked in some hush-hush capacity, and that I should "drop him like a hot potato" if I knew what was good for me. The thing was- I didn't know what was good for me. I not only avoided vegetables- I ran with scissors. And I was determined to get to the bottom of this mystery.

   We met at the appointed time and place, but he refused to talk until he had proof of my sincerity. Three rounds later, he started telling his story. I have not been the same since.

   It seemed that my strange acquaintance was an archivist, privy to the history of the entire project, and passed over for promotion. That prompted him to steal the papers, and to try blow the whole thing wide open.
  "The thing is," he said into his glass. "I can't get anyone to listen. I got kicked out of the Times, the Post. Even CNN said no, and their ratings are in the basement. I needed someone who would print anything." He looked up. "That's when I thought of you."
   I was flattered, and said so, but I still needed a handle on this thing. What was it for, and how did it start?
   "Don't you see," he said, signaling for another round. "All the rich religious guys in this country are worried about going to Heaven. You remember Mark 10:25?" he asked.
   "Uh- I mean..."
   "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God," he said smugly.
   "O.K. right," I said. "But since when do those guys believe in the Bible?"
   He snorted in derision. "Sure, they routinely ignore Jesus. But that's mostly the stuff about humility and charity. Things they can't relate to anyway." He looked hard at me. "Punishment and denial, though, that they understand.
   "See, first they tried to game the system. Some of them left their money to their wives on their deathbed..."
   "So technically they'd die poor?" I interrupted, confused.
   "Exactly. One of them even got a really huge needle. Claes Oldenburg designed it, I think."
  "So problem solved," I said.
  "At first. But by the time Reagan was elected, Billy Graham started to say it was cheating. When Nancy's astrologer concurred, that was it. They pledged billions to find a solution."
   Something didn't sit right. I needed clarity so I switched to vodka. Then it occurred to me.
   "How could they possibly hide such a big commitment?" I said, a bit angrily. "That much money can't be hidden."
   He smiled. "You can if you disguise it as something else. Remember the Strategic Defense Initiative?"
  "Star Wars," I gasped.
  "You didn't think they could really build a missile shield over the whole country, did you?"

   He laid it out for me then. Chapter and verse.
   Apparently, and not surprisingly, early experiments relied on brute force.
   "They put a camel on one of those rocket sleds. You know? The kind they use to train astronauts? At the end of the track was some sort of funnel arrangement, pointed at the needle."
   "Did that work? I asked.
   He shook his head, and ordered another drink. "Camels don't squish."

   He told me that by the nineties the most promising avenue appeared to be quantum physics.
   One offshoot of superconducter research dealt with the behavior of matter called a Bose-Einstein condensate. It might prove to be the breakthrough they needed.
    "You she," he slurred. "At absolute zero, matter- atoms- behave strangely. Liquids defy gravity, and, more importantly, seem to have no friction."
   He giggled. " iss simple," he said. "All they haf do's cool liquid camel to abzloot zero, and pour it through the eye, and Koch brothers pour through de pearly gates."
   I was giggling myself, when a thought occurred to me.
   "How...how d'you liquefy a camel?" I managed to get out.
   "Oh. They solved that wit' da rocket sled."

   There was more, much more. But, for some reason, my notes become illegible at that point. My memories of the rest of that night are also gone. I fear that agents of the government have wiped part of my brain. And, since I have had no further communications from my source, I can only think the worst. My one hope is that telling this story will protect me. I also hope that he wasn't my only reader 'cause then I'm fucked.

 

 
   

 
 

 

A Thug By Any Other Name

In order to defeat the Republicans, we must understand them. Since their actions and policies seem to be immune to any sort of logic or reason, we can at least try to work out their organizational structure.

The conserva-nostra is a shadowy, secretive, ruthless organization, powered by billions of dollars of corporate loot. But my question is: how do you tell the henchmen from the minions? A partial list follows.

Karl Rove- Your classic henchman. Sure, you can't imagine him actually cutting any throats with those soft, pudgy hands, but you know he'd approve of it. He also seems to be content to stay near the top without trying to take over; something henchmen are known for.

Ann Coulter- Henchman. (and throat-cutter)

Rick Perry- Minion who thinks he's a henchman with a chance to be Boss of Republicans. The Fredo of the Republican Party. Also useful for getting rid of coyotes.

Sarah Palin- Comic Relief who also thinks she can be Boss. (Probably doesn't know what henchmen and minions are anyway.)

Conservative Commentators- You could just say they're the spawn of the Devil, and leave it at that. But I like to think of each and every one of them as a cute, cuddly, little Goebbels Baby.

That's it for now. I realize this list barely scratches the surface, but you gotta start somewhere.

Conservative Is Bliss

I have a habit of flipping channels, and, it so happens that Fox News sits between SyFy and 'The Big Bang Theory' reruns. So, as I thumbed my remote, I just happened to hear Sarah Palin explain that President Obama is the head of  "the administrative branch"  of the federal government.

Now, while everyone runs off to update their copies of the constitution, I am going to amputate those damned thumbs.

Campaigning Is Easy. Math Is Hard

Newt Gingrich bounced a $500 check to get into the Utah primary.

He only had to sell ten photos of himself to cover it.

Yet, somehow, he came up short.

Go figure.

I mean it. Someone go figure out how to balance a fucking checkbook.

I'm sure we can still trust him on the economy though.

Congress writes the checks, not the president.

The (un) Music Man

Mitt Romney has taken a lot of heat for being politically tone deaf. He likes to fire people, he makes big bets, he doesn't worry about the poor and don't forget that tree height fetish. Well, I can't say that it has bothered me, in fact, it makes my job that much easier. But anyone who's heard him sing knows he's literally tone deaf as well, and that spells trouble. (With a capital T that rhymes with D that stands for Dems.)

You might think that Mitt's tin ear would be good for the Democrats. We've all seen the president rock with Mick Jagger and croon some R&B to Al Green. What could be better than that kind of contrast, you ask? Let me tell you.

Most of us can't sing. We don't admit it, and we don't talk about it, but few of us could hit a note with a shotgun, or carry a tune in a tote bag. It's common knowledge that people vote for the candidate they would be comfortable hanging out with, perhaps even having a beer with. I don't know about you, but after knocking back a few at my favorite pub, there's nothing better than singing some songs from the "auld sod" that would make your average Englishman run and hide. And, while we get points, (and citations) for volume- none of us can really sing, and we'd be mightily pissed at anyone who showed us up with a good voice. Mitt would fit right in on that score. Of course, he doesn't drink, and he's Mormon, so he wouldn't be welcome anyway- but I think I've made my point: Barack Obama is part of the melodically elite- the lyrical one percent, if you will.

This election could be very close. If the musically challenged have their way, Obama is gonna be singing the blues.

Quotes Of The Post

"A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people"

Thomas Mann

"Comedy and horror are opposite sides of the same coin. I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf."

Robert Bloch (author of the novel Psycho, among other things)

Both quotes from The Writers Almanac, writersalmanac.publicradio.org

Joke Of The Post

What did the hydrogen ion say to the electron?

"You complete me."

The Henny Penny Protocol

Defying all the odds, Newt Gingrich is still in the race to the White House. Short of cash, he is now charging $50 for photographs. I thought this was a good idea, until I found out they were shots of Newt (Angelina Jolie he's not.)

Only an idiot would count him out, though. This is the point where Gingrich the science geek will shine. Those who wondered and laughed at Newt's space obsession will get their well deserved comeuppance, because it is on outer space that his plans rely. And no, I'm not referring to Newt ruling his lunar colony either; that's Plan B.

No, Newt Gingrich is pinning all his hopes on the chance that his opponents will be hit by meteors before the convention, leaving the field wide open for him.

Rocks falling out of the sky.

The theory isn't so far-fetched.

 After all, the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid once before.

Machiavelli- Eat your Heart Out

Conservatives all grew up watching John Wayne movies; they naturally have a better grasp of military strategy and tactics than doll playing liberals. Now they've proven their natural superiority with a cogent criticism of Obama's Afghan War plans. Specifically: the withdrawal date.

The announced departure timetable creates, in effect, a sell-by date for the war. Our enemies have only to hold out until we leave, in order to (somehow) march triumphantly into Kabul, undoing all our work.

Lefties have responded to this incontestable point by noting, snootily, that the conservatives have not bothered to offer an alternative strategy of their own.

Duh.

That is their plan.

Liberals cannot grasp the depth and subtlety of conservative thinking. If the best way to defeat an enemy is to not let him know your plans, then having no plans is the ultimate path to victory.

Think about it. Even the best positioned Taliban spy, one who followed the candidates night and day, couldn't find out what the Republicans are up to- because they don't know  themselves.

That's beautiful, man.

Even a psychic, even Nancy Reagan's astrologer, can't predict what these guys are going to do. You could kidnap the candidates and use torture- I mean- enhanced interrogation and you'd get nothing. Absolutely nothing.

If the ultimate strategy is ignorance, Republicans have it made.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Liberals once again are jumping on the Republicans' newest job plan.

Can someone please tell me what's so controversial about full employment for ultrasound technicians?

Quote Of The Post

"It is one of the worst things of sentiment, that the voice grows to be more important than the words, and the speaker than that which is spoken."

Robert Louis Stevenson, The Master of Ballantrae

In one sentence Stevenson apprehends all cults of personality, and the deification of Ronald Reagan.

Reduce, Re-use, Republican

Notice to all you namby- pamby, tree-hugging hippies who think you have a monopoly on loving Mother Earth. The Republicans have brought recycling to levels unimaginable before today.

Want an example?

Every single one of  the conservative legislative, economic, and foreign policy ideas has been taken directly out of the ash-heap of history.

This will free up some much needed space for their candidates to fill after the election.

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

Back in September, you may recall, scientists in Europe thought that they had detected neutrinos traveling faster than the speed of light. As all of my scientifically literate readers know, nothing can exceed the speed of light
(except toddlers.)

The experiment made sense to me because the neutrinos in question were sent from Switzerland to Italy. HELLO PEOPLE! Send me to Italy and I'd get there faster than the speed of light.

I'd like to report that my theory was investigated, but we learned on Friday that the initial experiment was flawed, and that the scientific community was reassured.

I'm not.

And I still want someone to send me to Italy, no matter how long it takes.

Mohammed Goes To The Mountain

Rick Santorum is in Puerto Rico Looking for votes. He went only there so they wouldn't come here, but he was nice enough to give them some advice on attaining statehood. He let them know that they would have to meet the same standards as all the other states did in having English as the official language. Thank God for Santorum. Without him we'd all be under the delusion that no states had to adopt English to join the Union, just because history tells us they didn't.

Even if it's not true, it's still a good idea. If any country needs an official language it's us.

Rick Perry can't pronounce the word 'height.' He seems to think it ends with a 'th.' Where I come from some people put 'erl' in their cars and listen to the Duke of 'oil' on their radios. Southerners can pull three or four syllables out of y'all. And don't get me started on on the way Minnesotans glorify their O's.

And that's just pronunciation. If we all really spoke the same language we'd be able to understand each other's points of view. Politics would be civil. Conservative pundits would no longer be watched as drinking games (a shot for every- feminazi, or pin-head reference for example.)

Liberals would finally understand the right wing-nuts They'd be comprehensible to normal minds. We might even become best buddies, and ...uh... I mean-

Never mind.

A Law We Really Need

Vaginal ultrasounds?

How about this:

Resolved: No person shall propose any law without having first been subject to testing by EEG and fMRI, in order to determine that thought has actually occurred.

Quote Of The Post

"...But we have been insulated...in our international life by our long sheltered position behind two oceans. More than this, we have been actually misled by the experience of our two dramatic sorties into the larger world. It has seemed to us that it is our role to intervene in world affairs with sporadic and violent bursts of energy and with decisive and definitive effect- to appear on the scene in the nick of time like a knight errant, rescue the lady, and ride away.
   But the experience brought its disillusionment. The lady did not remain as glamorous; she did not even seem particularly grateful; she became demanding. And then, too, there was no secure and serene place to ride to. Our castle walls had crumbled, we found ourselves living on the plane with everyone else. We had the problems of neighbors. And so the occasional challenge of high adventure became the constant and nagging problems of everyday life."
   Former Secretary of State Dean Acheson. In the Introduction to Louis J. Halle, Civilization and Foreign Policy, 1955
    Quoted in: The Relations of Nations 3rd ed. Frederick H. Hartman. 1973 Macmillan.

How 'bout if the conservatives read stuff like this. A warning from 1955. I seriously doubt any of them read anything.

Onward Christian Soldiers

As I write this Rick Santorum has won the Alabama Primary, and seems poised to win Mississippi as well. Hawaii is so far west, that we won't know who won before October, and yet I feel a trend coming on.

According to all the polls, the Republican dream ticket is 'other.' But these guys will still keep plugging along.

And rightly so.

This nation needs the guidance only these good, very Christian men can provide. Ignorant souls may be put off by the fact that, to a man, they lie about themselves; they lie about each other; and they lie about the President. But I give them props for consistency. This is an important election. They have to win, and they've learned great lessons from reading the Bible. Jesus? Look where the truth got him. You can bet none of these guys is willing to end up on a cross. Besides, after pissing off the Pharisees, Sadducees, and the Romans, Jesus couldn't have gotten himself elected dog catcher in Jerusalem, and every Republican knows it.

The separation of church and state makes Santorum want to "throw up."

I think we all can sympathize.

I feel quite nauseated myself.

Quotes of the Post

"...no president has the power to increase, or to lower gas prices. Those are market forces."
Cal Thomas 2008

"The next time you hear a politician say he or she will bring down oil prices, understand it's complete BS."
Bill O'Reilly 2008

Both quotes from  video from The Ed Show, 3/7/12 that I had to play over and over, since I type with only two fingers.

I Am Become Newt, The Destroyer Of Worlds

A few weeks ago, The National Review weighed in on Newt Gingrich's conservative bona-fides.

They called on him to drop out of the race.

Anyone who knew Gingrich knew that he would never quit, and yesterday, Super Tuesday, he chalked up his second victory. It was only Georgia though. We all know they would happily send anyone to the White House to retaliate for General Sherman's march across the state in "Gone With The Wind." But I think Newt is more devious...I mean... more complicated than that. First off, he is a religious man, and has learned great lessons from the Bible. For instance: the time that Solomon was going to chop the baby in half in order to get the two women to shut up. Newt even converted to Catholicism so he could share heaven with Rick Santorum. (There are also rumors of a colonization scheme, to be announced during President Gingrich's third term, but I digress.)

The truth is that Newt won't quit, because he is the only one who knows that he is the only one who can save the country. Those Republicans who think that Gingrich's attacks on his fellow candidates are inadvertently helping the Democrats, underestimate him. He knows he's helping them.  If he can't be the next Republican president, then no one will be. This is is the guy, after all, who, when he didn't win Florida, complained to his mommy- I mean the courts- that the state wasn't playing fair. This is the guy who shut down the government because he couldn't get his way. And, this is the guy who wanted everyone to run positive campaigns for the sake of the country, and -hey- no need to look at my record- nothing to see here- just move along,,,,

Newt Gingrich is a man with ATTITUDE.

And all of us can all understand that attitude.

 At least we could in kindergarten.

Movin' On Up

The Mormons baptize the dead. It seems a bit backward to me and probably won't fill up those church pews, but it keeps them busy, and doesn't really affect anyone....Right?



Scene: The Void. Utter blackness and quiet. Solitude. Peace. In other words, a great place to catch some z's.
            A presence is floating, aimlessly, quite comfortably, when: two lights shine out of the darkness at the presence.

Voice One: Edward Davies?

Presence: Huh? What? What's going on?

Voice One: Are you Edward Davies, the scientist guy?

Presence ( Davies ): Well, yeah, I mean I guess so. At least that's who I used to be.

Voice One: Used to be?

Davies: Well- yes. Before I died, I mean. Now I'm kind of nobody.

Voice One (impatiently): Look buddy, either you're him or you're not. Don't give us any lip.

Voice Two: Look, you gotta come wit' us.

Davies: Go with you? To Where?

Voice Two: To Heaven, Einstein, you're goin' ta Heaven.

Davies: I don't know what's going on, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm part of the Great
Nothingness. I'm a piece of The Void.

Voice Two: Void-schmoid. You're comin' wit' us.

Voice One: You've been baptized, you see. We're to collect you.

Davies: How could I be baptized after I died?

Voice One: Your son-in-law saw to it. Mitt Romney. The paperwork's at headquarters.

Davies: Where's your headquarters?

Voice One: Mormon Heaven.

Davies: Come on. I was an atheist, and even I know the Catholics own Heaven. Just ask Mel Gibson.

Voice One (uncomfortably): We lease. It's a small tract. Quite nice actually...

Voice Two: Cut to the chase, will ya. Dis guy's comin' right now. We still gotta pick up dat Anne Frank kid, and I aint had any lunch. Ya been baptized, it's official, and I'd love an excuse to cuff ya.

Davies: Not if my lawyer has anything to say about it, you won't.

Voice One: Uh... lawyer?

Davies: Yes, The Void is full of lawyers. At least the good ones. It's my understanding most of them don't make it quite so high up, but we've got Darrow and Ollie Holmes, and I bet they're itching for a good fight.

Voice One: Well... in that case....

Voice Two: You tellin' me you gonna cave ta dis guy?

Voice One (aside): Do you know how many lawyers we've got in Heaven? Zero. Zilch. Bupkus. And I'm not just talking our Heaven. No one's got any. Darrow would make mince-meat out of us.
(to Davies): Well Mr. Davies, it has been pleasant chatting, but we have to be on our way. We certainly hope there are no hard feelings. Don't we Dave?

Voice Two (mumbling): Yeah, I guess.

Davies: If I hear you two are causing any more trouble out here, I'll hit you so hard with a lawsuit, it'll knock you back to Earth. You hear me?
Voices: Right. Yessir. Absolutely.

Voice One: Have a nice eternity, sir.

Lemons from Lemonade

Romney keeps saying that he's the only candidate who hasn't spent his life in Washington.

Isn't that just because he keeps losing elections?

quote of the post

"To sin by silence, when they should protest, makes cowards out of men."

Abraham Lincoln

quote of the post

"More men go to church than want to."

Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth

Oh, The Places You'll Go!

   I have to visit Michigan now.
   Sure, it has always been on my 'See Every Place On Earth List.' But it never was anywhere near the top. In fact, it was so far down that I can't recall ever having actually seen it. I imagine that it must have been lurking somewhere in the vicinity of the likes of Las Vegas or Albany. In any event, it was down there.
   So how did it get to the top of the list, you ask?
   Mitt Romney.
   Apparently, according to the Mittster, the trees are the" right height" there. The trees.
   Imagine that. Really. Try to imagine that.
   Look people- I was a landscaper; I was a Boy Scout; I like to hike and camp- but it never even occurred to me that all the trees I have seen could, quite possibly, be the wrong height. As a liberal, I admit, I may have blinders on. We all have our prejudices. But I was always comfortable with the philosophy (possibly attributable to Paul Bunyan,) that a tree's trunk should only be long enough to reach the ground. And have enough height so the dog can lift his leg when you let him out of his air-tight car-top kennel.
   An entire state full of right-sized trees. What could that even be like? I have the impression that it's like some sort of cross between Tolkien's Ents, and Nazi Storm Troopers. I imagine them goose-stepping their merry way down from the hills to intimidate lumberjacks and Santorum-voters, happily crushing Democrats as they go. They would probably raid nurseries and greenhouses, liberating their potted brothers and sisters from lives of garden slavery, before tromping back to their natural homes in triumph.
O brave new world that has such flora in it!

 Thanks for opening our eyes Mitt.
 Now how about trying to win the primary.

 

Shakespeare had it Write

"And be these juggling fiends no more believed,
That palter with us in a double sense;
That keep the word of promise to our ear,
And break it to our hope."
Shakespeare, Macbeth, act V, scene viii

Macbeth was complaining about the weird sisters, of course. It also applies, quite accurately to the weird candidates the Republicans are fielding this year.
It is my intent to jump on the bandwagon of satirical commentary.True, it's a bit crowded, but who can resist all the material those idiots are shoveling? The hardest part will be topping the sheer tonnage of unintended irony.

I intend to try.